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 Not a good day today. Feeling very anxious and upset today. These emotions come in waves. I just want to understand how things will move going forward. Actually it's not even understand what will happen - just get a sense of when it will stop happening. 

How much of life keeps happening in loop. There was a line about searching for a Guru that someone had once told me...that you should look for a Guru the way a man whose head is on fire looks for water. 

I am not exactly looking for a Guru but I definitely think I need to steadily chart out a path for liberation and stick to it. It's getting increasingly clear now how pointless and meaningless it all is.

The pictures below are from Bandstand yesterday. The ocean is a gorgeous thing. Even in the churn of captive waves, there's a roar of freedom. 

Note to self: Spend more times there. 

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Pic: Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/baby-holding-person-s-index-finger-64242/

This was an innocent day. I can't explain it. It began with me missing a call. But a little by little something started melting - like metallic, arsenic-y life and world. I asked a friend if he was free to go to Bandstand. I offered a pink candle at the Mount and then we went and sat at Bandstand. It was lovely and it was breezy. I went to the Pali Hill ATM and withdrew some cash and walked home. It was late and the trees glistened with the glory of a day gone by.

Yes, there's a lot of work to finish, but this day brought the requisite time and energy, all soft and gurgling...and then you offer our finger, and even if nothing more - just you and your baby, i.e. - the present day, spent a few happy moments together. And tomorrow, this gentleness will grow into something beautiful.

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 One more day has passed. Am reviewing a document. There's a podcast on and there's black coffee on the table. There's a bottle with cold water and that's that. I need to get on with the review and we proceed accordingly. 

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 Monday. Exhausting. There's still so much to be done. Didn't go to the gym or work out today. But it was my fast so I suppose it is okay. 

I have an early morning call and there's a heap to finish. Feeling paralyzed with a whole lot

 Never mind. Will make some tea and work a bit. 

Morosch

(Ref. image - Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-castle-in-an-island-on-a-lake-2884822/)

 Leaf and varicose

Cherries in milk

Days in muslin

Dusks in silk

Wrapped in Asia

Drenched in glacier

Picking out music

And tunes in fuschia

Weary feet and bunion

For a path that was free

Twigs and varicose

Where once was a tree.

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 My cleaning lady was upset today. Her tiny grand-daughter born earlier this month is in the hospital. What can you say in such situations? I offered some help - it felt so inadequate. But I have been praying for the little one. I have not seen her but the help says she is chubby and cute but has lost weight now because she has not been having milk. It is so strange - how one can feel attached to a child one has not seen. I think the baby will be good within the coming week. 

A friend came over today. He is doing really well and it felt so good to see him. He has a little daughter too and the family has moved to Pali Hill now and we were talking about how dulcet and divine the place is. The one perfectly formed raindrop trickling down the vein of a leaf to splash on a crushed white blossom on the ground - the place just transfixes you. It is lovely and gorgeous! You can tell why so many movie starts lived (or continue to live) there. There are a lot of places that are beautiful - but that place is cinematic.

We went to Mahesh Lunch Home for lunch. I had appam and veg stew while my friend had a grilled pomfret. The sol kadi was delectable. The rest of the food was okay - not as great as the others. But we came home and we chatted for a bit over coffee. It was really good meeting him - someone I knew from college. 

Did a little work and thought I would get the blog out before I went deep into some other editorial work now. Life's good! Promises to be a busy and rough week but...so be it.

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A happy, happy Saturday! Woke up late with the headache brought on by insufficient sleep. Then went to Vashi for my weekly Ma Kali visit. 

And I had such an excellent lunch - there was luchi (poori made of maida), chhole, and a sweet and tangy raw mango chutney. Slept for a bit and then went to town to catch up with friends for an event. It was in town and the drive from Vashi to town today was exquisite! Smooth roads, a moist silvery sky, gleaming sea, symmetrical bridges, and clusters of fleshy, red flowers on trees. And peeping through all this was the city skyline waiting to melt your heart...like a Mona Lisa smile! So lovely!

Crossed St. Xavier's College and it looked as hallowed as ever. Then got to Chowpatty. Went for the event and after that, we all got a bite to eat around the place and went for a walk to Chowpatty. So here's the thing... my friend and I walked around until late and then sat on the chataai and had coffee...the local, pour-out-of-a-steel-canister coffee. The waves were soft and dreamlike, the moon peeked behind clouds, there was a steady yet gentle breeze...it was the kind of weather that makes you have epiphanies...just so much perfection is warped and weaved into an environment. And here's the thing...when you are by the beach, you realize just how much at ease people near the ocean. You can see the shoulders relaxed, brows unfurrowed, lips upturned into a soft smile...Lovely night.

Then we returned home and I picked up a new book that was delivered by Amazon. So...all around a yay day! 

Dear Universe, thank you. Truly!

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 Mixed bag - today but overall good. Made some headway at work.

Cleaning lady will be off tomorrow as will I. That means that dishes will need to be cleaned. Weird to say that in passive voice when you are actually the one who will be doing it. 

I am looking forward to doing some stuf tomorrow. Let's see how that pans out.

Okay, off to clear the dishes and sort things out.

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Guru Purnima. The moon was dripping with sweet songs and light. Life is really precious when you think about it...even when you understand or skirt around the fragility and ephemeralness of it. Is this all there is? And is even this really there? 

Had a good call with the clients. Not yet out of the woods and I don't think we will be. But work is carrying on at a steady pace. There is a bit of a dance of going back and forth, so it will still take time to settle down. 

Anyway, went for a nice walk and Bandra on a late weeknight is a queen...quiet and regal. Came home. Have been craving things for a long time, so I ordered for ice-cream. Will freshen up and enjoy that.

Life is good! 

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Rough day at work. There are a lot of things up in the air. That is such a fascinating thing about life and time...how days end without closure. 

Cook had made a really tasty curd rice with grated beet. That was yummy. But we are fine and now let's see how it goes. 

I still have a couple of things to finish before starting the work day.  At times I feel there is no need to rush or panic. Things take the time they take. Not much can be done about it. Still, I feel Time does lubricate matters considerably when you stay steady with things. 

Okay so...this is it for now. Will go take a nap.

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(Photo by Craig Gary from Pexels:

https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-falling-woman-wearing-a-sheer-dress-5655150/)

Today was a strange sort of day. It began with a slightly tough moment with a friend. But it all works out in the long run, I suppose. Have been reaching out to some people for a few things. A couple contacted me for renting out a room. From the time I spoke to them on the phone until the time they came home (uninvited, unannounced), everything about them was creepy. I can't explain, but their eyes and their skin seemed to belong to the undead. I live in a busy city where people are mangled in various stages of fatigue. But this couple seemed fazed and blurred. Against my better judgement I offered them coffee after inviting them in. They walked in mechanically and sat stuff...waiting and looking. 

I had told them that I am not looking for people to let out a room too. They just sat and looked out the window. The man started breathing weirdly, as if trying to inhale the place. I remembered one of my yoga teachers in Pune (from Canada) saying that bears breathe in deeply. They breathe in the world around them. I was getting a little nervous...and not because I had to start a work call in the next 25 minutes. 

The lady asked me for water. I went to the kitchen and when I returned they were gone.

It's as if they weren't in here at all. I live in a small flat and I didn't even hear the door close. It's as if they evaporated into the same air that the man was so keen to breathe into his system.

Well, one more day in Paradise.